Authenticity & The Masks We Wear Beyond Halloweentime
October arrives with a familiar brand of magic marked by colorful foliage, ending with its own playful holiday, Halloween.
We all know the deal: candy, spooky decor, haunted houses, costumes, masks (more than 1, even!)…
Those celebrating might spend weeks or months deciding “who they want to be” for that single day. Part of Halloween’s allure is this promise that you’re free to become someone else — anyone else — for just a short while. It’s fun to put on a mask for one night.
But what about the masks we wear that stay on?
In honor of World Mental Health Day on October 10, which highlights mental wellbeing as a universal human right, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your fundamental right to exist as you are.
Without shame.
Without stigma.
Without masking.
If you’re struggling with this, let’s talk about what masks you’re wearing, why you’re wearing them, and what it would take for you to shed them.
First things first: what is masking?
Outside of Halloween, psychological masking refers to the figurative mask(s) you may wear on a day-to-day basis as part of a persona that helps you ‘blend in’ and navigate the world. More often than not, they are a direct response to stigma and misunderstanding.
This is famously true for neurodiverse folx, such as those diagnosed with autism and/or ADHD who are at heightened risk of suicidality too. This is also frequently true for sexual minorities, ethnic minorities, and people living with mental health conditions like anxiety and depression — even those who are neurotypical.
Note:
So every day, whether subtle or obvious, conscious or subconscious, many of us may find ourselves wearing these invisible masks.
What does that look like?
NONVERBAL MASKING
Forcing yourself to make eye contact with others.
Mirroring facial expressions when around others.
Modifying your appearance so as not to stand out.
VERBAL MASKING
Toning down your words to avoid being perceived as blunt, harsh, or rude.
Planning in advance what you say by scripting and rehearsing imagined scenarios.
Censoring your interests for fear you’ll be labeled weird, different, or inappropriate.
Emotional Masking
Suppressing so-called “negative” emotions, like anger, sadness, or disappointment.
Faking so-called “positive” emotions, such as smiling and laughing.
Blunting or flattening any kind of emotional reaction whatsoever.
SENSORY MASKING
Actively suppressing or substituting repetitive stimming behaviors such as hand-flapping or verbal tics.
Resisting physical urges to react when someone triggers a sensory sensitivity.
Comparing yourself to others nonstop for the purpose of self-policing.
Remember:
So, for example, while most of us might script and rehearse ahead of a major presentation at work or school, those who mask feel the need to do so even in small daily interactions with close friends or family.
As a result, there might be a significant difference in how you act, emote, and present yourself in public versus private when you're alone or in a more intimate setting.
For that reason, masking is also known as social camouflaging.
Why would anyone choose to mask?
Adopting a social persona actually starts as an evolutionarily beneficial strategy, often learned in childhood, as a way to stay safe, ‘earn’ love, and fit in.
Here are some common reasons why one might mask subconsciously and/or choose to keep masking consciously:
Fear of Judgment
To be judged is to be put under a microscope and scrutinized carefully by someone else’s standards and expectations. Presenting an edited version of yourself through masking is therefore a tool to help you come across as more palatable to others, with less cause for judgment. Adopting a “cool, unfazed” mask might help you hide social anxiety, for example, or an “overly agreeable, easygoing” mask might hide a fear of conflict.
Hiding Vulnerability
Even without fear of judgment, you may not wish to show yourself freely. Unfortunately “vulnerability” is sometimes mistaken for “weakness” and is therefore stigmatized. We are taught to “put on a brave face,” muscle through pain, and keep our struggles private. On the outside, this may look like “high functioning anxiety” or “smiling depression.” Unfortunately this promotes a vicious cycle of self-isolation and prevents us from seeking well-deserved support.
Pressure to conform
Living in a society binds us to cultural scripts (at home, in the workplace, at school, etc.) that we’re expected to follow. To not conform risks rejection, and most people have some fear of rejection, whether it comes from loved ones or strangers. You might mask as the “perfect parent” who never feels overwhelmed, the “hustle-culture worker” who never has to stop, or the “strong friend” who never needs a shoulder to cry on for themselves. All to fit in.
Imposter Syndrome
Ever get a nagging feeling that you don’t know what you’re doing, like a fraud who’s just one mistake away from being caught? This can drive the creation of a mask of competence — or really, hyper-competence. You might overprepare, stay silent in meetings to avoid saying the “wrong” thing, or rely entirely on external validation because you don’t trust yourself and undervalue your own worth. Masking shields you from the fear of being seen as flawed, imperfect… human.
As you can see, masks function like social armor, which seem helpful and productive in moderation. But the longer you have to wear a mask, the heavier it gets.
And that can become a problem.
What are the downsides of masking?
While masking can offer short-term comfort and (perceived) safety, the long-term cost to your mental health is immense. Maintaining a façade is not a passive act but an active one that requires consistent, heavy effort.
It’s exhausting, and it comes at great cost.
Here are some common negative consequences to watch out for:
EMOTIONAL FATIGUE
Think about the sheer effort it takes for you to monitor and/or suppress every word, every facial expression, every reaction, every single moment of every day. Masking is tiring! It will deplete you, making you easily irritable and disconnected from your own emotional needs. This is a direct path to burnout.
Emotional Inconsistency
On top of disconnecting from your feelings, there will be moments when your mask slips; after all, no one can sustain masking 24/7/365. When that happens, you may struggle to express emotions that match your reality in the moment. Any fears you may have about not fitting in will likely be amplified by incongruence here.
LONELINESS
How well can you know others — and vice versa — while erasing who you are? Vulnerability and authenticity are foundational for emotional intimacy. Until you reveal your true self, you may feel increasingly disconnected and lonely, even when surrounded by others.
LOSS OF SELF
Over time, your persona may become so ingrained that you forget where the mask ends; worse still, you lose touch with who you need to be to thrive rather than just survive. Self-esteem, self-worth, and self-acceptance suffer. Sacrificing your opinions, values, desires, and aspirations for who you “should” be can lead to existential questions and identity crises — who are you without these masks?
How do you unmask?
If you’re already suffering some of these drawbacks and you’d like to move through life more authentically, know this:
Removing a mask you’ve worn for years is NOT a single, dramatic event, but rather a gentle, compassionate process of turning back toward yourself.
Unmasking is a journey, not a destination. And that journey will be unique to you.
With that in mind, here are some steps to start with:
1. Build self-awareness.
You can’t remove a mask you don’t realize you’re wearing. Cultivate gentle curiosity. Practice asking yourself: “When do I feel the most like myself?” “When do I feel the least?” Identify your needs. Keep a journal to help you notice patterns. Importantly, do NOT judge what you find — just notice it, then mindfully let it pass.
2. Practice vulnerability with safe supports.
You don’t have to reveal your deepest self to everyone at once, only those who’ve earned your trust. Try sharing one real opinion or quirky interest that you usually keep hidden. Maybe even admit to struggling sometimes. Small shares build confidence and security, and reveal the potential within your connections.
3. Set healthy boundaries.
For all other supports who aren’t proven to be emotionally safe just yet, practice setting boundaries that guard your authentic self. When possible, limit contact and say “no” to people and things that require heavy masking and drain you. Protect your time and energy. Give your authentic self room to grow and emerge.
4. Embrace self-compassion.
This process may be scary and new. You might mess up, get a negative reaction, or feel the urge to put that mask back on at the first hint of discomfort. Remind yourself this is normal when making such a big change. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a loved one. Be patient, and give yourself time, space, and grace.
Ready to take off your mask?
“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
While masks may be well-intended, our deepest desire is to be known and loved for who we are underneath.
True connection and meaning are found not in any one façade but in you being… well, just you.
This October, as you watch the world mask and then unmask en masse for Halloween, consider World Mental Health Day, and ask yourself if there’s one mask you might be ready to set aside too.
Ask yourself what it would feel like to let your true self be seen.
Remind yourself it isn’t about being flawless — it’s about being real.
Remind yourself you’re worth it.
You and your loved ones deserve to know, appreciate, and love the REAL you.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
You and your loved ones deserve to know, appreciate, and love the REAL you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
At the end of the day, unmasking is very much an individual act of courage and a gift of self-love. But you don’t have to go it alone.
If you’re having a hard time finding that courage, or feel lost on the path to finding yourself, you may benefit from more focused professional support.
In my practice, I work with many clients who struggle to self-actualize in an authentic way that honors and prioritizes their needs.
If that resonates with you, please consider scheduling a complimentary 10-minute phone consultation with me here.
It is my privilege to hold safe space for my clients, and I would be honored to help you navigate the journey back to yourself.
Disclaimer: This blog is intended for informational purposes only, and does not constitute medical or psychiatric advice. Please consult with a qualified healthcare professional directly for personalized guidance and support.