Putting the Past (You) to Rest Ahead of 2025
The end is nigh… the end of 2024, that is.
As January 1st approaches, it’s common to look back and reflect on the highs and lows, the challenges and triumphs, the joys and sorrows that have shaped us over the last 365 days. It's a natural time to acknowledge how far we've come and to set our intentions for the year ahead.
But not everyone enjoys the practice of “making New Year’s resolutions.” There are many valid reasons for this, and truly, I respect them all.
As a therapist, what I value and encourage is actually the intention-setting component of the practice, much more so than the “resolution” itself. It’s the intention-setting that initiates lasting change. That’s where personal growth starts.
So if you’re someone who scoffs at resolutions, that’s ok — this post is still for you!
This end-of-year, as an alternative, I invite you to try a different approach to reflection and intention-setting, one that may surprise you: what if you wrote an obituary… not for someone who has passed, but for the version of yourself that you're ready to leave behind, your past self?
Why on earth would I write an obituary for my “past self”?
Now, I know it sounds a bit unconventional, but just hear me out.
Writing an obituary for your 2024-self can be a powerful way to gain closure and honor your experiences over the last year, as well as clean the slate for you to step into 2025 with clarity and renewed focus. In this case, the obituary is about acknowledging your struggles, celebrating your growth, and making space for the person you're becoming.
How does an obituary do this? By encouraging you to step outside of your usual perspective and view your experiences with a bit of distance. When done thoughtfully, this can be a wonderful tool for self-compassion and healing.
Here’s what a little bit of mental distance can do for you:
Gain Perspective: When we write about our challenges in the past tense, it can help us see them as a PART of our journey, not as defining characteristics. Imagine looking back at a year filled with anxiety. By writing about those anxieties in the past tense, as something that “past you” experienced, you create a sense of separation from “present you.” Those worries, while valid, no longer need to hold you captive in the present moment.
Recognize Your Resilience: Reflecting on past accomplishments, even the ‘small’ ones, reminds us of our strength and ability to overcome obstacles. Think about the times you pushed through fear, faced adversity, or achieved something you didn't think was possible. These experiences, big and small, are all testaments to our resilience and inner strength.
Embrace Change: Just as an obituary traditionally marks the end of a life, this exercise helps us acknowledge the end of a chapter, making way for new beginnings. We are constantly evolving, and this exercise helps solidify that the "you" of today is not the same "you" you were yesterday, last month, or a year ago. Embracing this change gives you power over your own personal growth.
Who can benefit from this exercise?
Writing an obituary for “past you” can be particularly helpful if “present you” struggles with:
Anxiety: Are you caught in cycles of worry? This exercise can help put distance between yourself and your ruminations by reflecting on them in the past tense and acknowledging their presence now without letting them define your present or your future.
Low mood: When struggling with depressive symptoms, it's easy to lose sight of your strengths. This exercise forces you to see your accomplishments over the last year, recognize your role in persisting, and center your strengths to carry forward in the new year.
Disordered eating or poor body image: If your self-perception is dominated by criticism about weight or appearance, this exercise encourages you to view yourself as a whole person with a full story — a past, present, and future, all deserving of self-acceptance.
Racial and cultural identity: A reflective obituary is a safe space to memorialize your heritage. Acknowledge challenges like discrimination or pressure to conform. Then, ask yourself how you need to celebrate your cultural and ethnic self in 2025.
Sexuality and gender identity: If you're on a journey of self-discovery related to sexuality or gender identity, this exercise can help you process internalized stigma, affirm your self-worth in the present, and envision a future where you live authentically.
Grief: If you’ve experienced a loss in the past year, writing an obituary for your past self can be an even more direct link to processing those feelings. Honor your loss, remember you’re still here, and strive to seek new meaning in the year ahead.
Major life adjustments, transitions, or conflicts: During periods of upheaval, drafting an obituary for the version of yourself before those life changes occurred can provide clarity and direction. What still needs to change? Set boundaries to protect your wellbeing, and cultivate self-compassion for any ongoing challenges.
How to get started…
If you're intrigued but unsure how to begin this exercise, that is completely normal. This isn’t your average, everyday writing activity! Recognize that first and foremost. Then, practice giving yourself grace here and now.
Next, consider these recommendations to help you ease into the right mindset:
Find a quiet space. This exercise may bring up feelings of discomfort as you reflect on difficult circumstances over the past year, so choose a time and place where you can self-reflect without distractions or interruptions. This could be a cozy corner in your home, a peaceful park bench, your parked car, or anywhere with reasonable privacy. Pick someplace where you feel comfortable and safe.
Focus on the positive. Acknowledge challenges for the sake of remembering them, but do not dwell. Instead, distill them into the lessons learned and the growth you've experienced through overcoming those challenges. What insights did you gain from difficult situations? How did you overcome obstacles? What strengths did you discover within yourself along the way?
Don’t be afraid to get creative. There's no one right way to write an obituary. Use a style that feels genuine to you. You can be serious, humorous, or poetic. You can write a formal obituary, a heartfelt letter, a playful sonnet, a silly limerick, or anything in between. The most important thing is to express yourself authentically.
That said…Be honest and compassionate with yourself! Write from a place of self-acceptance, acknowledging both the joys and the struggles of your life over the past year. Remember that this is a personal reflection, not a performance. Be kind to yourself as you write. Show yourself NO LESS care and compassion than if you were writing this about a dear friend, pet, or family member. Go ahead; you deserve it.
Still unsure?
Listen, I’m well aware the idea of writing an obituary for yourself may sound unsettling. Because obituaries are typically associated with literal death and dying, this is a form of writing that can easily trigger existential thoughts and fears. So it's perfectly normal to experience some hesitation or even resistance to this exercise. You might wonder, "Isn't this a bit morbid?" or "What's the point of focusing on the past?"
It's helpful to remember that this is meant as a symbolic exercise, not a wish for nor a literal prediction of your own demise. The point is to memorialize your past here in the present, then make conscious choices to move forward. Put another way, it's about releasing what no longer serves you and embracing the possibilities that lie ahead.
If, after all this, the obituary format still feels too challenging to wrap your head around, or if it is culturally uncomfortable or objectionable for you to engage, that’s also okay! There are other ways to engage in year-end reflections without ‘setting resolutions.’
Here are some things worth trying instead:
Write a goodbye letter to your past year. Pour out your thoughts and feelings into a letter that details the experiences you're ready to say farewell to.
Create a timeline of the past year. Mark significant events chronologically and simply reflect on how they shaped your experiences each passing month.
Compose a poem, song, drawing or dance about the past year's journey. Process your experiences more abstractly through creative/interpretive art or therapeutic movement.
Bottom line? Let’s put “past-you” to rest so “present-you” can move forward with gratitude.
Writing an obituary for your past self is not just about saying goodbye; it's also about saying hello to a new chapter. After all, this exercise is meant to help you set intentions for the new year that are aligned with both the insights you've gained AND the person you’re growing into.
What comes out in your obituary can reveal a lot about where you need to focus next. For example:
If your obituary highlighted struggles with work-life balance, you may need to pay more attention to setting clearer boundaries and prioritizing self-care next year.
If your obituary celebrated newfound confidence, your goal might be to continue stepping outside your comfort zone and feeding the passions that grew your self-esteem thus far.
If your obituary acknowledged a period of grief or loss, your intention might be to focus on healing and cultivating inner peace in 2025, leaving anything beyond that for “future-you” to explore next December.
Throughout all of this, remember that positive change takes time, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. Never forget to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate the year ahead. Always celebrate your successes, learn from any mistakes, and trust that you have the strength to create a fulfilling future.
This unique reflection exercise is simply an opportunity — nothing more, nothing less — to honor your past self, release 2024, and step into 2025 with renewed intention, purpose, even gratitude.
In my practice, I love helping individuals connect with their inner strength and create a life that aligns with their values. If you'd like support in exploring this exercise or other therapeutic techniques for personal growth, please don't hesitate to reach out! You may schedule a complimentary 10-minute phone consultation with me here.
Wishing you a New Year filled with peace, personal fulfillment, and endless gratitude.
Note: The exercises mentioned in this post are not a substitute for mental health treatment. If you're struggling with mental health challenges, safety concerns, or a psychiatric emergency, please seek professional support.
Crisis hotlines and additional resources:
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 or www.988lifeline.org
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Crisis Text Line: text “NAMI” to 741-741
SAMHSA (Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration) National Helpline: (800) 662-4357
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
The Trevor Project Hotline: (866) 488-7386 or text 678-678
National Sexual Assault Hotline: (800) 656-HOPE (4673)
National Grad Student Crisis Line: (877) 472-3457 or gradresources.org