An Ode to Self-Care, Part I: Valentine's Day for Cynics & Romantics Alike
A lot of us are into Valentine's Day and enjoy celebrating it with chocolates, cards, flowers, dinner out with your partner(s) – and that's great. That's spectacular. You should absolutely celebrate your love for others on a day designed for just that, if doing so makes you happy.
But what about celebrating love for yourself?
This question is directed to pro-Valentine's folks as much as to the cynics out there who scorn "Hallmark holidays" and find Valentine's Day to be totally overrated.
For the record, there's nothing inherently wrong with that cynicism either. But seeing as Valentine's Day is an apparently unavoidable phenomenon nowadays, you may suffer less if you can find a way to embrace some small piece of it, as opposed to just cringing and complaining your way through it.
I don't like Valentine's Day at all, so what can I embrace?
You are your most important relationship, first and foremost.
Everything starts with you.
Therefore, being gracious to yourself, showing compassion and taking care of yourself – self-care – is THE place to start embracing the loving spirit of Valentine's Day, regardless of whether you love or hate this holiday.
If you don't take care of yourself, how can you possibly be there for anyone else?
This has nothing to do with Hallmark commercialism, or anyone else in your life. We all deserve to pamper ourselves once in a while. Most people arguably don't pamper themselves enough.
The fact is self-care is universally important for mental balance and emotional wellness. It's perhaps even more vital for those who are partnered-up, recovering people pleasers. These are folx who are used to internalizing and prioritizing the feelings, wants, and desires of their partner(s) over their own.
Apart from maybe your birthday, what better reason do you need to pamper yourself than Valentine's Day?
Okay, I'll bite. How does this self-care thing work?
The idea of self-care can seem simultaneously simple and daunting, if the concept is new to you.
Here are 2 ways you can start enhancing your self-care today.
1. Pay attention to yourself by thinking mindful thoughts.
Feeling emotionally drained or perhaps even physically tired? Easily annoyed or irritable? Ignored or unheard? Sad or tearful? Nervous or scared? Upset, worried, or dissatisfied more often than usual, maybe without a trigger or identifiable reason?
These are all vital clues into your internal mental state.
When you feel “badly” in these ways, it's important to notice that your internal state isn't where you may want it to be, and to be extra compassionate with yourself. You're feeling uncomfortable, and that's okay.
Generally, our emotions exist to teach us something about ourselves and our needs.
What is your internal state trying to communicate to you in this moment?
Jot down your thoughts and feelings to externalize them. Acknowledge them, explore where they came from, then let them go. Gratitude lists are a great follow-up to this as well.
This is mindfulness. Only when you're mindful of yourself will you know how to best attend to your needs in that moment.
2. Be kind to yourself by taking mindful actions.
Do something fun, something that you really enjoy doing but maybe don't get to do very often anymore. Or try something new that you think might bring you some joy.
If nothing comes to mind just yet, set aside some time to brainstorm and make a "fun things to do" list.
Self-care doesn't have to be a huge time-consuming event, or cost you anything at all. It could be as simple as going outside for a walk in your neighborhood, stopping at an animal shelter to socialize with pets after work, or drawing a hot bubble bath just because.
Self-care can certainly be planned in advance and structured, like committing to a regular exercise group or taking a language class. But it can also be spontaneous, unplanned, or informal.
The point is to be kind to yourself by setting aside time to do so, then following through. Exactly what you do is up to you; make sure you do something that nourishes rather than depletes you.
To reiterate, the world is your self-care oyster, and this is the perfect excuse to dig in.
Care about yourself enough to do something for yourself.
With that, I'll wish you a happy Valentine's Day, keeping in mind that whether you're a cynic or a romantic, the best reason to celebrate today is you.
**One final note: self-care isn't just about inviting more positive thoughts, feelings, and activities into your life; self-care is also about eliminating unhealthy or negative stuff from your life, stuff which might have once been beneficial to you for whatever reason but over time have become relics which are now gathering dust in your mental space. You needn't hold on to people, habits, or things that are no longer bringing you joy. Permitting yourself to let go of these unhelpful relics of your past self is another critical piece of self-care, which I'll reserve for a future blog post where I can give it its due.